


Prancing Pervert Pants-Free

by Jessjess



Category: Captain America, Fantastic Four, Spiderman - Fandom
Genre: Humiliation, Humor, M/M, Spanking, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 12:40:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessjess/pseuds/Jessjess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alien visitation was nothing new to Peter, but just because it happens doesn't mean he wants it to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Spiderman and nearly all the characters belong to Marvel.

His spider sense wasn’t tingling. In fact, it hadn’t tingled all day, nor had he felt a breeze from missing costume parts. Maybe his personal nightmare had gone back to where ever he’d come from? It didn’t really matter at this point. His credibility was shot with the public. Everywhere he’d swung on patrol had been accompanied with wolf whistles, cat calls, and a few marriage proposals. Then there was the overwhelming feeling that they were down there just waiting to see him naked again.

The broadcast of Mysterio’s little play time was pretty much playing on every local station at every news slot. Oh, it had been “cleaned up” for the average viewer, but it wasn’t like they couldn’t figure out what was going on outside of the strategically blurred spots. Whatever genius had thought those useless things up should have something like this happen to them so they could see what it feels like. Just thinking about it had his face as red as his costume.

Paddled Pervert’s Penis Pawed was the screaming headline of today’s Bugle. J.J. had a field day calling for “The arrest of the flying menace known as the vigilante Spiderman”. Public Indecency they called it, like he had a choice when beings straight out of a sci-fi tv show land on his back porch and make off with his clothing. No one picked on the other heroes in the city like this.

Screw ‘em all, he was going home.

It was the Karmic Scales falling over into “the universe hates me mode” when he noticed four older teens sneaking into an alleyway headed to the rear door of a convenience store near his apartment. He thought about it for a second. _They could just be going to work, right?_ He directed to the sky hopefully. Okay, Mr. Wang almost never had help, but he could have won the Lottery or something, right? Oh, someone up there was just laughing and laughing.

He landed on the neighboring building and silently hugged the wall.

“Look, the old man will never expect us to come in from the back,” The obvious ringleader was saying.

“Yeah, but what if he has a gun back there?”

“Well then, one of you either ends up in the hospital, dead, or my personal favorite, a quadriplegic while the rest of you go to jail for a very long time.” Spiderman injected.

It was funny how the criminals would look left and right, but even in a city filled with fire escapes they never looked up. His sigh was silent as he dropped down in front of them…

And found that he couldn’t move, or speak, and his pants were moving in a distinct southward direction. Goddamned Cosmic Hormone!

Ack! Bad lustful, glazed eyes!

No Cameras! No Phones! He was getting it tattooed as soon as he could for these non-verbal situations. All he could do was give a mental thought of legality as one of the budding morally upright citizens came up with a brilliant idea.

“Hey, Trent, I dare you to go up there and touch his dick!”

One of the independent thinkers actually started walking closer as they all laughed. It was a sad thing that Bonnie Tyler’s “I Need A Hero” started playing in his head. The sudden development of a shadow in the form of a cape surrounded him and gave him a huge feeling of relief and he watched the kids scatter screaming.

 _That’s right you little bastards, run_! He thought darkly. Now, who did he know with a cape?

Delighted giggle? Red eyes? Crap.

“I’ve been waiting for you to come home!” His blight on normal life exclaimed with a wave of his hand.

Movement is one of those things you miss when it’s gone, and being able to pull up your frikken pants is a gift of the gods. Speaking of which, maybe the ones he knew could make this one go away? He was sure that Thor owed him a favor or two…

“Have I been gone all day?” The hero asked with exaggerated innocence. “Gee, I guess it must have been my subconscious desire for a _normal, fully dressed_ day!”

“But you have those all the time,” He pouted. “I really think my way is more exciting for you! We’ll just have to change your name to Moon Man or something… That’s not catchy enough, is it? Don’t worry, we’ll think of something with marketing potential.”

“What the hell are you doing when I’m gone?”

“Well, the leader of the midgets in the glowing box was telling me about it.”

“Glowing, you mean the TV? They’re not miniature!”

“Hmm, well they’re always small when I pull them out.”

Spidey eyed the nearby brick wall with serious consideration. He was sure that just because the villains in the city punched him through the suckers on a regular basis was no reason not to believe that one could give him a coma that would last til this nightmare was over.

“Anyway, that’s not why I came looking for you.”

“Perish the thought.”

There was an automatic flinch as a doll was whipped out from an unknown location. “This is why!”

“Isn’t that the doll from yesterday?” the web-slinger asked cautiously.

“Goodie, you remember!”

“Not on purpose, it’s more like it’s burned indelibly on my retinas,” he muttered.

“It has a new trick.”

He pulled down the doll’s pants, and grinned in delight as Spiderman’s pants dropped at the same time. Following the direction of his pants and ignoring the “Woohoo!” he came to the realization that he’d been voodoo-ed.

“It works!”

“Why am I not surprised that you would find a way to remote control strip me?”

“Because I bring joy and excitement to your otherwise humdrum life?” The blue cowled man said cheekily. “Now, come along, you have places to be.”

“No, I have an apartment to be at. A nice safe apartment where it doesn’t matter if a deranged cosmic being can’t destroy my life any further.”

There was an ominous pause, otherwise known as the “oh shit” silence, before the doll’s arm went up, and his tagged along for the ride. A slight squeeze had web shooting to the corner of the nearby building.

“Would you like to dangle over Times Square naked before we go?”

“Not particularly.”

“Perhaps you’d care to make a wager on whether my doll’s ability will actually make sure it happens?”

“No.”

“Well, what are we waiting for then? We don’t want to be late.” The red-eyed demon called as he floated to the roof.

It had to be a radioactive spider, he grumbled to himself as he went after him. Why wasn’t there a cosmic powered spider? Why did he have to be the one dealing with the lunatics that took a “personal interest” in his life? Sure, there were the other universally feared guys our there, but none of it was personal with the other super heroes out there. It was more like a coincidence that they run across them.

“Come on, we need to head out.”

“Don’t you think it would be helpful if I knew where I was going?”

“Sure, but we’re doing things my way. Just head that way and I’ll give you directions.”

“I think we’d get there faster if I followed you.” Spidey gritted out.

“But you see, there’s a burning urge to see that luminous posterior in front of me.”

“What the hell are you watching on my TV? I’m not even sure I have channels that use that language!”

“No stalling, my striking arachnid.”

“Now you’re just trying to annoy me.”

“That way. Now.”

A quick _thwip_ and he was swinging over the busy New York streets. It was with resigned inevitability that he felt the air over his rear. He landed nearby and pulled his pants back up with a glare. Apparently that was the beginning of a new game. They spent the next twenty blocks with his pants going up and down. Spidey finally gave up and left his butt in the air as he concentrated on getting to wherever they were going as quickly as possible.

Their destination was an abandoned building in the warehouse district. At least he was able to keep his pants on after they landed.

“Okay, we’re here, what happens next?”

“You stay and I’m going.” He said before winking out.

“That’s really obnoxious!” Spiderman yelled to the empty air.

A familiar sound had him turning around. Johnny Storm was flying up as so was one of the Avenger Mini-Jets carrying Captain America.

“Hey, buddy, I’m sorry about that whole Mysterio thing yesterday.” Johnny called out.

“It seem that the villain grow more villainous with each year.”

“Dude, you did not just say that with a straight face!” The Human Torch laughed at the head of the Avengers.

“I think I have to, it’s in my contract.” Captain America said with a roguish grin.

“No offense, but I’m glad I’m already on a team where I can be the cool one then.”

“It’s not like we haven’t… helped each other out before.”

Throwing a blue-eyed wink that had the ladies all over town thinking naughty thoughts, Torch turned to Spiderman.

“So, what’s up?”

“Huh?” Oh good, he’d been hoping to sound reasonable and intelligent.

“Hey man, you called…” He got a short nod, “Us here. Your note said you had something important to show us.”

“I didn’t send you a message,” The webbed man said with a sigh. “All I know is that I can’t leave this roof until…”

Three pairs of spandex hit the ground, and three of the city’s defenders found themselves immobile.

“Um, anyone want to tell me what’s going on?” Johnny asked faintly. “I hadn’t planned on posing for Playgirl until later in my career.”

“Someone seems to be controlling us.” Cap bit out.

Spidey knew that there was a giggling mad man in another dimension holding dolls of all three of them, but had a hard time caring when one of his favorite fantasies was coming to life right in front of his eyes. He’d seen them both naked of course. He did work part time for the Avengers and there had been those times the Fantastic Four had called for an assist, but this was way different than the average locker room scene.

And a lot hotter for some reason.

His cheeks heat as he acknowledges that there’s no way he’s going to be able to hide his hard on. He peeks over at his comrades to see them staring at it. Well, crap. Was there really a way to talk yourself out a situation like this?

“Whoa! Look at that thing!” Johnny blurted.

Maybe he sounded just the slightest bit impressed?

“Are you… Enjoying this, Spiderman?” Asked Mr. All American.

That was a twitch down there! He knew it was. He had to admit, with results like this, he could kind of see what Mr. Cosmic got out of the whole “naked now” thing he had going on. If it weren’t for the fact that he was frozen in place he had the distinct feeling that his hands would be twitching. He really, really wanted to touch.

As though the thought was the trigger he needed, he took a stumbling step forward. It was like he’d just been given permission to do whatever he wanted. Actually, with what he knew that’s probably precisely what was happening.

“Sorry,” He says haltingly. “I just can’t stop. I have to…”

His knees hit the smooth rooftop and he nuzzles both of the cocks half erect in their nests. The raised material on his mask rasping ever so slightly causing a pleasurable friction on the nerve endings of the other men.

“Spiderman, I don’t know what’s going on, but you don’t have to…” Cap protests.

“I do, oh god, I do. Look at them sitting there. They’re practically begging me to.”

He wasn’t going to wait for more words telling him that he was wrong. He slid his hands under the mask and raised it half way. He ran the tip of his tongue over the flared head the Captain presented to him, and then Johnny’s. Damn, it was like there was a size requirement to be a hero in this town. He could happily say that neither of his companions would disappoint. Good thing he was a super hero. The boy in blue was still making noises, but he couldn’t even understand what was emerging.

He stopped making those noises when he was swallowed to the hilt, especially when that made the flaming boy start.

It was so good. He alternated so he could taste both of them at the same time. He loved running the tip of his tongue over that smooth spot right under the head, loved the way it made them tense and cry out. It was the desire he thought would never happen. Something kept in his head that wormed it’s way into reality. He brought a hand up to cup both of them, kneading and rubbing that sweet spot underneath.

They were getting close. He could feel the strain in their thighs and hear the needy pants. God, so hot! He wanted more. He wanted them wrapped tight and letting him know that this was what they wanted, but if this was all he got he’d take it.

It was nearly a dangerous collision when they were released. Spiderman whimpered when he felt them move fearing they would leave, but he wouldn’t stop them either. This had to be a choice they made now.

“Peter,” Someone whispered.

He looked up into two sets of worried blue eyes.

“Peter, please! Are you okay?” Johnny whispered.

“I don’t want to stop.” The needy whisper got out before he could stop it.

“Have you been drugged?” The Captain’s voice was also low and urgent.

“No.”

He could _feel_ them talking above his head, but he was afraid to see the results. He’d been forcing them, and these were two people you just didn’t force. Not even if it was pleasure. He kept his head down and waited for the judgment. When hand reached under each arm he didn’t fight. He was going to do what ever he had to do to make things right, but it wasn’t fair when he’d been so close.

“What if things don’t stop?” Torch whispered hot in his ear.

There was a body in front and a body in back. His whole body shivered with need as three hard cocks were crushed into him. A tiny moan wormed it’s way out of his throat and floated on the air. It was all the permission they needed.

He was lifted effortlessly in Cap’s strong arms his hole slowly stretched to it’s limit as he slid down. He didn’t care, he wanted to go faster. He wanted that slamming pace. He wasn’t going to rip or tear, and he had covered the pole in spit. He squirmed and tried to rock his hips down. More, more, more!

He hadn’t realized he was chanting it until Cap whispered in his ear, “You have to get Torch ready first. Look, he’s waiting for you.”

His gut tightened and his hole flexed unconsciously, making the man behind him moan hot and hard. Johnny had found a metal air duct to lean over. It was probably blazing hot, but what did that matter to a man who literally set himself on fire? He just leaned over it with his ass in the air and looked over his shoulder with every appearance of enjoying the show.

It looked like they had something in common.

“We need to move closer.” Peter demanded.

It was nice to have a lover that didn’t even blink at the demand, but just walked over to their waiting partner. Johnny just smirked and leaned over further.

“Think you’re ready, Hot Stuff?”

He just gave another smirk and leaned down spreading his cheeks wide. It was a mouth watering sight. Peter reached behind and grabbed that thick neck.

“You gonna hold me, or are you gonna give it to me like I want it?”

“I decide how we go.” The deep voice rumbled.

“Domineering, I like it.” Johnny added.

The middle man shrugged and dropped down. His hands met hips as he plunged his tongue into that waiting hole. The movement had all three men groaning as Cap was shoved in just a little further and the wicked appendage wriggled in.

“Goddamn, I don’t think I’m going to last too long,” Torch whined.

“Hold it.” Cap demanded.

Peter nodded feathering little lick around the outside.

“Steve, you don’t know what you’re asking!”

“Together or we leave you out.” The man was firm as he slid further in his own hot hole.

Spidey slid two fingers in slick and fast. No one was going to be left out. He wanted to feel the hole clenching around him as he was filled to the brim. He hit Johnny’s prostate hard making the man writhe and dance on his hand. He left his tongue dancing around the rim as he slid a third in.

“Ready, ready! I am so ready!” Torch panted.

“Good,” Cap grunted, and walked forward.

Peter barely had time to get himself position as he was literally pushed in without help, and then dropped down so that his feet hit rooftop as he was crammed to bursting with hard flesh. There were no words, no breath, to match the need that had just been met, just sensation.

Steve wasn’t done, though. The man had to be made of iron as he drew back taking Spidey with him. He set the rhythm and maintained it as he kept them in a smooth stroking motion. Broken gasps and whines fell from the mouths below as his companions tried to find the breath to ask for more.

The pace slowly gained speed as he wrapped one strong arm around Peter’s torso, guiding the pace with his hips. It was like a train gaining speed as muscles bunched and flexed. A sharp, barked command had Torch’s hand glued to the metal under his head and waiting. His obedience was rewarded as a slight change in angle had Peter rubbing over his prostate with every plunge. There was gasping and cursing as all three fought to reach the pinnacle.

Captain America proved his worth as a leader when he leaned down and ordered, “Peter, come now.”

Lightning shot down his spine and he arched to an impossible degree screaming his completion to the sky. His cry was met and joined by the other two as a chain reaction was triggered.

A flock of disgruntled birds resettled as the trio fell to the rooftop exhausted. A silly little smile graced the lips of the involuntary nudist of the group. This was quite possibly the only good thing to have come out of this whole nightmare, but it made it all worth it. He was snuggled between to men he respected and cared for a great deal, and in the aftermath of mind blowing sex.

Johnny struggled and finally managed to turn over, “Hey, good lookin’, you meet men up here all the time or are we special?” he teased.

“You are,” Peter said shyly ask he kissed the soft lips in front of him. “It feels like I’ve been waiting forever for something like this to happen, but our work is too important jeopardize if someone got offended.”

“I thought about the same thing.” Steve confessed in his post-sex voice, which was sexy enough to merit it’s own kiss.

“You mean that we could have been boinking like rabbits on Viagra all this time, but we haven’t? Okay, one of these days we are going to talk about the communication breakdown.” Johnny declared expansively.

“But not today,” Peter said hastily. “I don’t think I’ve had more than ten hours of sleep in the last week and I am beat! If I’m going to have any hope of functioning tomorrow I have to get some.”

“I thought you just did.” Torch snickered.

Cap reached over and lazily thwapped him in the head. “He did, and so did you, but apparently we have yet to find a way to shut you up.”

“And you never will!”

“I’m seeing ball gags in your future.” Peter said through a yawn.

“That would mean we have to do this again.”

“I’m *yawn* up for it.”

“No objection here.”

“Sweet,” Johnny stretched out on his back and looked at the sky content to be where he was.

Spidey noticed his pants still around his ankles. In fact, he thought with a sleepy chuckle, no one had gotten their clothes off. God, he was tired. He had to get home. Stumbling to his feet, he gave a sleepy wave to his new lovers and tugged his pants up.

Cap and Torch lay there for a while longer content to bask in the aftermath, but superheroes were always in demand. One after the other their emergency signals went off, and they had to go. Cap was first and he reached a hand down for his companion. There was slight hysteria in the laughter of both men as they realized that their pants had disappeared.

“How did Spidey describe him again?” Johnny asked.

“”Blue cowl, red eyes, and now a collection of super hero pants,” Steve answered wryly.

“Good thing neither of us relies on a web then isn’t it?” Johnny laughed as he hid his nudity in a burst of flame.

The cosmic being absently waved his hand and encased both sets in glass on his wall. He pouted and narrowed his eyes. There wasn’t time right now, but the future. Oh, the future held it’s possibilities.

~o)0*0(o~

Peter Parker couldn’t keep the silly grin off his face as his costume went into it’s hiding place. Score one for the Science geek! They could say what they wanted, but it nice to realize that the nerd who couldn’t get a date in High School had just nailed not one but two of the hottest guys on the planet. It seemed that Mr. Cape and Cowl had actually done him a favor for once, and if he kept this up he might just have to thank the interfering bugger before he left.

He turned and threw himself against the wall as the devil was right there! Swallowing a few times to get his heart back into his chest where it belonged he tried to force his hands and feet to release the wall. They weren’t co-operating. He had to be tired, his personal nightmare had been right behind him and his senses hadn’t even twanged!

“Did you enjoy that, because I certainly did,” Mr. Smug Satisfaction said.

Peter couldn’t stop his own grin at the memory, “I believe I did. Why, did you want a thank you?”

“The time of my on’krelva is drawing to an end.” He said sadly.

The wall crawler eyed him suspiciously. If this was true then this was going in the official scrap book as the best day ever.

“You never really explained what an on’krelva is.”

Damn his scientific curiosity!

“It is hard to find an equivalent in your terms. This is a time of growth, yet a period of rest…”

“You mean you’re a minor?” Peter yelped.

“No. It is…” He pressed his index finger against the trapped man’s forehead. “Ah, yes! This is a mid-life crisis!”

“You mean an old man is flitting around the universe getting his rocks off by making me parade through the city mostly naked! Ew!”

“I am only old by Earth standards.” He said sticking out his tongue. “”This is merely a stage between development of maturity, a time of celebration before new learning begins.”

“That’s not a mid-life crisis, that’s Spring Break!”

“The term is not important.” He insisted, waving one hand in the air dismissively. “The importance is that it will soon be over and there is one thing left to do.”

“What, shake and say good luck with an all powerful eternity?” Peter asked hopefully.

“Well,” He said with a sly smile. “One of us is going to shake.”

A gesture had the hero climbing the wall until his crotch was a little lower than eye level. He shook his head frantically as the cowl finally fell revealing a smooth, ageless face leaning into his personal space. His breath froze in his lungs as soft lips encircled the flared head of his cock.

This wasn’t terrible.

As the man worked his way down a slick, slithery feeling slid around the flesh inside. It was rubbing the right spots and flickering at the same time. He gave in to the prediction and shuddered as pleasure rocked through his body. That thing, whatever it was, was rubbing against the slit right at the top like a snake tasting the air. He slammed his head back into the wall and groaned.

Every sense was focused on the feeling wracking his body. Soft lips, wet hole, magic, little blessed cosmic being thing that was making this the best thing ever! He started a little as the thing began to worm it’s way down the inside of his cock. It was… Well, it wasn’t bad. It didn’t hurt. It just felt weird?  
Like there was pressure on the outside and the inside, and they were both making their way down.

The thing inside him reached the bottom just as he felt a nose in his short and curlies. It began to vibrate. Holy fucking Christ on crutches! It was like standing on a Tesla Coil. Bolts of electric pleasure exploded through his body rocketing him to climax again and again.

His release triggered his release from the wall and he fell into the waiting arms of his benefactor. His whole body remained limp as he was gently carried over to his bed and set down. His hair was pushed off his sweaty forehead and a kiss was pressed sweetly to his lips.

“I wish that I could spend more time with you,” He was told regretfully. “But it is time for me to return to my own dimension.”

“Wait… Wha?”

“I believe I will remember you for eternity.” He smiled. “Farewell, hero of the Earth.”

He stepped back and clapped his hands once, “ _Majiro._ ”

The world went dark.

~o)0*0(o~

It was turning out to be a bad day for Peter Parker (aka Spiderman) as he swung through the city on his regular patrol. The life of a hero was exhausting. He’d only grabbed three hours of sleep in the past few days, and it wasn’t even for a good reason. He had decided to just skip patrols today and catch up when the first irritant of the night had shown up in front of him and snatched a purse. It turned out that the guy was just thrilled to be caught by his favorite super hero and actually had to be gagged in order to shut him up.

He knew there was no end to the crime in his beloved city, but he was really tired. He had learned a long time ago that being tired and supernaturally strong didn’t mix. It looked like the other heroes were going to have to pick up the slack tonight. He was going home.

The sound of tearing fabric and a breeze in exposed areas had him landing on the nearest rooftop. Where the hell were his pants?! He searched the area looking for anything that would have been responsible, but couldn’t see anything.

Well damn, wasn’t this the perfect end to a crappy night?

Screw it, he decided. He was tired. He was cranky. He was pants-less. He was going _home_! Maybe he would call Aunt May in the morning and see if she was up for a visit. Home cooking was the best thing for a night like this, and he could always make new pants.

He took his web shooters, made a pair of shorts, and swung out determined to get there as soon as possible. No way was he making the morning edition of his own newspaper looking like this. Really, he could just hear the glee in Jameson’s voice with the opportunity to blast him again. What a jerk.

In a dimension never seen by human eyes a red-eyed man looks at his wall, admires the latest edition to his collection, and sighs.


	2. Chapter 2

It was turning out to be a bad day for Peter Parker (aka Spiderman) as he swung through the city on his regular patrol. The life of a hero was exhausting. He’d only grabbed three hours of sleep in the past few days, and it wasn’t even for a good reason. He had decided to just skip patrols today and catch up when the first irritant of the night had shown up in front of him and snatched a purse. It turned out that the guy was just thrilled to be caught by his favorite super hero and actually had to be gagged in order to shut him up.

That was only the beginning. His spider senses were tingling like mad from that event on. If he looked left the sense grew stronger on the right, and the same for the opposite. Someone out there was stalking him and it was pissing him off. After hanging the forth pair from a street lamp his senses finally focused on one area and he left before giving his traditional “Crime Doesn’t Pay” speech. He was going to find out who the jerk was before they followed him home.

The rooftop was deserted it seemed, but relying on instincts that rarely failed him was necessary for our young arachnid familiar so he stayed where he was.

“I know you’re here.” He called out. “Since you’re so bent on following me why don’t you come out and talk?”

A hole appeared in the fabric of the universe, and a being in long dark robe stepped out. His features were undistinguishable under the hood he wore. There was no way of telling that he was young or old, but the glowing red eyes were focused entirely on him.

“I knew when I found you that you were magnificent.”

“Gee thanks, but I’m not into guys.”

“You are as I wish you to be.”

“What a load of crap! Look, I know you guys are all kinds of thrilled every time someone stops you from being bored, but I already have at least two of you inter-dimensional creeps playing with me on a regular basis, and there has to be some kind of limit on the number of stalkers on guy can have. Would you like the number to some other super heroes, or perhaps the name of a good therapist?”

“For the time being my “stalking” as you call it has a time limit. It is my on’krelva, my rest period, soon I will return to my duties. However, that means that I do not have an unlimited amount of time to “play” I think you called it? I shall gather the souvenir I wish for now.”

Spidey felt a breeze below and beneath his mask his eyes were at their widest extent. The creep had taken his pants! He was so stunned he couldn’t even react to the flash of light in the corner of his eye.

“Give those back!”

“Was souvenir the wrong word? Perhaps it was pre-show that I was supposed to say?” He dodged nimbly as the half-naked man lunged for him.

“You can’t just take the pants off people!”

“I can’t? But yours came off so nicely, and I must say your body seems very impressive.”

“How would you know? You only seem interested in the front lower half.”

“I felt it.”

“Oh no, you did not!” Spidey yelled.

“Of course I did. I simply stepped into other space where time is still, and examined you thoroughly. I must say, you humans seem very firm in rear areas.”

“You grabbed my butt?” He yelped.

“Is that what the exterior area behind you is called? I think I like that. Butt,” he tried out loud. “Yes, that will do. I like your butt.”

“Y-you need to stay away from my butt.”

“I believe I wish to see you swing this way.”

“I just bet you do, you pervert, but I want my pants back.”

“But then I wouldn’t be able to add them to my collection.”

“You’ve done this before?”

“Not since my last on’krelva.”

“My life is over.”

“I have not said this.” The visitor frowned. “Why have you said these things?”

“Buddy, if you don’t know by now, you’re not going to.”

“This is why I find humans so fascinating. Say something else.”

Spiderman shook his head. This was obviously a dead end road, and he was looking like the dead thing at the end. He used his non-stick webbing to try and form some pants, but only got to a thong before it ran out.

He looked at the lunatic hopefully. “I don’t suppose you’d give me the belt on the pants would you?”

“Why did you do that? I wanted to see you swing the other way.” He whined slightly.

“Because the other way gets me arrested, and thrown in jail.” The masked man explained in an almost patient tone. “Now can I have the belt? I have to have to webbing, or I can’t make it home.”

“Oh, you have plenty to make it home I just blocked it while you were trying to make that thing.” He gestured to the thong.

Spiderman let out a short frustrated noise. He refused to admit that is was kind of a scream, especially when it was supposed to be a manly yell. He shot out his line and stepped to the edge of the roof. He was going home.

“Don’t follow me.” He threw over his shoulder and swung out.

~~~~~~~~~~o)0*0(o~~~~~~~~~

He swung over the rooftops of his city, staying as high as he possibly could, and wondered if he could get his hands on the list putting him at top of the “Intergalactic Things to Visit” and shred it. Actually, he could probably get more super heroes in on this since it seemed that Earth was at the top of the hit list as well. At least they had danger on their agenda. It seemed that all he attracted were perverts and cryptic.

His Spidey-senses were still tingling which meant that the nut was still on his trail. This was annoying to say the least, but there wasn’t a lot he could do about it until the whacko got bored and went away. He wanted to smack his head into the nearest convenient building when he heard the scream from below.

A huge sigh slipped from his lips as he realized that he really wasn’t getting paid enough to do the whole hero thing. He dropped into the alley the scream came from. It seemed that robbers had decided to pick on some poor defenseless woman again. He had them wrapped in his webbing before they even realized what was happening. Dragging them out into the street he hung them from the nearest light pole and headed back to give the woman her purse. A wolf whistle brought him up short.

“Woohoo! Wouldja look at that ass!”

“Hey, Tommy, I think we stopped Spidey on his way home from the strip club.”

“Yeah, don’t blame us! We were just lookin for a way to make a couple a bucks for that thong!”

Two quick thwips of sound had the would-be robbers gagged. There was no respect in this town whatsoever!

“And you need to stop taking pictures!” He yelled at the near by roof. “I can see you y’know!”

He threw the purse back to the startled woman, and took off again. He was going home. He didn’t care if Broadway collapsed at this point. There were enough heroes in this town that they could deal with it. He needed clothes, he needed sleep and he wanted his blanky. There was some serious consideration put into calling Aunt May and seeing if she still had it.

It was a relief to reach his apartment with no more mishaps. He slid open the window only to find the [i]pervert was in his room[/i]!

“What part of “don’t follow me” was I unclear on?” He yelled.

The sorcerer gave the impression of a pout. There was no way of telling he was pouting, which meant he was apparently very good at it, since you could definitely still tell.

“I was here to give you back your garment, but if I am such an inconvenience I can leave.”

“No!” He blurted out. “No, I would appreciate them back if you don’t mind.”

“Oh good, then here you go!” The blue (He could finally see the color) robed man said brightly laying them over the chair.

“Um, would you mind leaving now?” He asked tentatively. “It’s been a really long night and I’d like to get some sleep before I have to go to work.”

“Yes! I can do that.” He clapped delighted. A rip appeared in the universe again and the being stepped through.

“Thanks for my pants.” Spiderman called.

“My pleasure!” The red eyed head popped back through the whole. “I plan to get them off you again soon enough!”

The hole closed. 

His life sucked so much.

~~~~~~~~~o)0*0(o~~~~~~~~~

Peter Parker was late for work. His alarm hadn’t gone off, the water heater in his building was busted, and every bus was late. If it weren’t for the fact that he was afraid of attracting the weirdo he would have swung to work, but after last night he wasn’t taking any chances. He must have missed the “Week Of Hell” memo. He was still exhausted from the last few days and nothing seemed to show any signs of improvement. He sprinted into the Daily Bugle’s building and ran up the stairs.

J. Jonah must have been in a good mood since the crowd around him was moving at it’s usual break neck speed, but no one was crying. He went to set his things on his desk when he heard his name being bellowed in his editor’s dulcet tones.

“Where’s Parker? I want him in here right now! No, I don’t care if he’s late! Call his cell! Who doesn’t own a cell phone in New York City?”

Peter walked into Jameson’s office wondering what he’d hear now.

“Parker, just the man I was looking for! I see you finally took my advice and stopped worshipping at the alter of the eight-legged freak.”

“W-what?”

“These pictures, m’boy! Found ‘em on your desk! Great work, great work! They’re going out in the next edition. Have to work up a title though. What about “The Spider Menace Shows His Webs” or maybe “Prancing Pervert Pants-Free”? I’ll have to think about it.”

“May I see my pictures again, Mr. Jameson?” Peter asked. He had a very bad feeling.

“Sure, I see a big bonus in this for you, Parker!” He said grinning wildly around his cigar. “We’ll make a photographer out of you yet.”

Peter’s heart leapt into his throat and then dropped to the floor. There he was in 5 by 7 glossy glory swinging around in a web thong. That menace had put the pictures he took on his desk, and he’d stolen Peter’s own camera to do it!

He backed slowly out of J. Jonah’s office, sick to his stomach, and stepped up to the secretary’s desk. “I’m supposed to get a voucher from you.” He said in a weak voice.

“Sure, Peter. Hey, are you feeling alright? You look kind of pale.” She said as she wrote it out.

“It’s just been a long week.” He sighed and accepted the voucher. Glancing down his eyes got huge. Was that the real amount? He looked at her and saw the wide smile. 

“I guess the boss [i]really[/i] liked the pictures.” She whispered.

At that moment he felt a sharp tug and the button of his trousers flew across the floor and his pants (costume included) dropped. Peter closed his eyes as his face turned a brilliant red and groped around his thighs to pull them up. The usual noise of the busy news room dropped to silence as cat calls and whistles broke out all over the room.

“I’m so sorry,” He whispered.

“Don’t be,” She whispered back with a wink. “You should give me a call sometime.”

“Peter hurried out of the room ignoring the comments, the laughter and most importantly the feeling of the hand grabbing his butt when his pants had dropped.


	3. Chapter 3

Peter didn’t even open his eyes as he chucked his screaming alarm clock at the wall.  The alarming lack of a connecting sound had them cracking open however.  Crap, the window was open.  He stumbled over to the tune of pissed off New Yorkers yelling at his window.

 

“Sorry!” He directed down in a general apology.

 

Dead silence was not what he expected, nor was laughter.

 

“Hey, look!” He heard someone yell. “He thinks he’s Spiderman!”

 

That more than anything else got him to realize the breeze he felt wasn’t the air being unusually chill, but rather that he was naked… again.  He jerked back in the window red cheeked.  Mr. Cloaked, Dark and Pervy had taken off his clothes in his sleep.  He thought briefly of moving to a nudist colony until his visitor had left, but there weren’t any close enough.  Besides, New York was way too cold in the winter for anything like that. 

 

His alternate identity’s reputation was completely shot by now.  Jameson was having a field day with all the shots that magically appeared on his desk.  His bank account was probably more padded now than it had ever been in his entire career thanks to that freak.  Maybe he should have taken up stripping as a job since it seemed to be his new hobby, whether or not he wanted to.  He was waiting for the phone call from the other superheroes in the city, and they were going to come soon.  He could just hear the laughter.  He went over to the closet, the day was already shot but he had work to do.

 

It was empty.

 

The whole freaking thing was hangers and open space!

 

Oh, except his costume, which _should_ have been _hidden_!  What?  Was the daily humiliation he was going through not enough?  Because there was no way he was going out a window he had just flashed the street in the one outfit guaranteed to get him more attention than that!  Next there was going to be a giant neon sign outside his window blinking; Home of Spiderman: Butt of Every Cosmic Joke!!

 

He meant to thump his forehead on the closet door, but put it through instead.  Words Aunt May would have washed his mouth out for rose to his lips, only to freeze at the sound of an amused voice.

 

“Oh my, what a charming view!”

 

He didn’t even think twice, he flung his butt backward until the door shut.  At this point any protection was better than nothing.  Even if it left him looking like a stuffed and mounted head.

 

The visitor pouted.  He pouted!  What kind of cosmic power pouted?

 

A wave of the hand had the door vanishing.  Peter had the only covering he had left over his groin with a speed that would have made Quicksilver jealous, then he worried about his hands safety.

 

“That shade of red is so enticing.  I like it far better than the red of your costume.  I wonder if I could possibly match it?  Then again, verbal descriptions are so hard to match.  Something tends to get lost in the translations.”

 

“I want my clothes back.” He ground out.

 

“Those things are terrible for your body shape!  I much prefer you this way at home so I put them somewhere else.” He smiled brightly, “But I left you your “tough warrior” outfit.  You can still go and fight crime!”

 

“I’m not leaving my apartment!” The harassed man yelled. “Do you know what that fight with The Shocker yesterday did to any shred of credibility I might have possessed?”

 

~Flashback~

 

 The screeching sound of metal hitting pavement had him scrambling for the nearest alleyway.  There was the possibility that it was just an accident, but the rhythmic flashes of light argued that conclusion.  The eye blinding yellow and green of one of his more color blind opponents did too.

 

Shocker was trying to break into an armored vehicle again.  Some of the villains he faced would have required some time to find out what other scheme this would finance, but Shocker was the kind who just wanted money.  This guy was barely a blip on the radar with his super powers, but he was back in Spidey’s territory which meant he was going to have to be squashed again.

 

The fight didn’t take that long.  Of course, that may have had something to do with the fact that every time a bolt of electricity came close enough to cause static shock an article of clothing disappeared.  The underwear was the last thing to go before the hyena collapsed laughing.

 

Oh, he knew who was responsible for this little gem. 

 

Yep, yuck it up, he thought as he put in a new cartridge and hung the still laughing idiot from the light pole.  Sirens and lights blared up the streets and he heard the tires squealing to a stop just as he swung up to the nearest roof.

 

“Here, Life Destroyer!  C’mere, you damned poltergeist, I want my clothes back!”

 

His mysterious boy in blue showed with his costume folded neatly in his hands.  That was so gay.  He would have stomped up to him, but that was really kind of painful with out boots on, so he… walked hard up to him and ripped his modesty out of his hands.

 

Clapping his hands in delight he grinned at the dressing hero, “That was most enjoyable!  You’re not mad are you?”

 

“Oh no, I’m not mad.  I’m not mad at all and I won’t tear you to shreds just as soon as I can figure out how to get you to stay in one place.”

 

“Oh good!  I worried there for a few moments since your mask was going through the strangest contortions.  Do you have one of those ‘farcial tricks’ I’ve read about?”

 

Spiderman was shaking with the need to reach out and hit the moron, just once.  He pleaded with God or any other powerful being who would listen.  If he could just send the annoyance through a couple of buildings he’d feel so much better!  There was the slightest chance that he could try…

 

Deep breath…

 

“No, I don’t have a _facial tick_ , I’m just tired of being on the front page of the news paper.” He said shoulders slumped.

 

“Is that bad?”

 

“Well,” he made his voice wobble a little. “It’s not good.  They won’t respect me at all.”

 

“Oh, I can make it better!”

 

“How?”

 

Howls of laughter could be heard over the traffic below.  Spiderman ran over to the side of the building to see Shocker in the same position as himself a few minutes ago, only he was cuffed.  The villain was hunched over frantically trying to preserve his modesty.  An impossibility since the only thing he wore was a mask.  The cat calls of the audience were music to the ego battered superhero.

 

“Woah, wouldja lookit that teeny-weeny dinky!  You think it’s December on that side of the street?”

 

“I’d be a villain too if I had to hide something that small!”

 

“Hey man, I’ve seen Spiderman, no wonder he beats the crap outta you all the time.  At least he’s a real man!”

 

~End of Flashback~

 

“Okay, so maybe that particular incident wasn’t the best example,” Peter said with a grin. “But you can’t leave me with no clothing.  I have work…”

 

The doorbell rang.  Why was his doorbell ringing?  A soft sound had him looking over to his unwanted occupant.  His eyes narrowed as he saw a pale hand slip inside the cowl to muffle the giggles.

 

“No, you wouldn’t do this to me again this morning,” He protested. “I need clothes to answer the door!”

 

It was a bad thing when the buzzer stopped.  That meant whoever had been downstairs was on their way up, and he had no idea who that was.  What if someone had called the police about earlier?  He dashed for the bathroom and a towel, hoping beyond hope that they had been left where they were.  There was a second’s worth of relief seeing one on the rack before his visitor knocked on the door.

 

He grabbed it and glared at the still giggling menace on his way to the door.

 

“Can I help you?” He asked politely, keeping most of himself behind the wood barrier.

 

It was a damned tea towel!

 

The delivery man looked him up and down, actually licked his lips, and held out a clipboard. “Yes, I need a signature right here.”

 

How did you put that much innuendo into “signature”, and was every male in New York gay?

 

He grabbed for the clipboard, only to have it snatched back out of his reach. “Is there some reason I can’t sign the slip?”

 

“Well, it’s company policy to have the signature witnessed by a representative, sir.”

 

“Look, um, it’s laundry day, and all I have is a hand towel between me and an indecent exposure charge.”

 

“I could come in, sir.”

 

“No!” He squeaked. His hips slammed into the door as a hand cupped his rear. “No, if you’d just hold the clipboard that’d be fine.”

 

“I’m very good at handling things with care,” the delivery guy said leaning forward.

 

Peter felt a hand slide around his side, grab the towel and yank it away.  He turned bright red, grabbed the pen, signed, and grabbed the package.

 

“NothankyouIgotithaveaniceday!”

 

A disappointed look crossed the young man’s face, but soon brightened. “No sir, thank **you**!  You can count on us for the best **package** delivery.” He left with a salacious wink.

 

He whirled around and let his weight shut the portal of his demise.  He hurled the box at shaded face, and stalked to the bed to grab the top sheet.  He wasn’t in anyway shape or form expecting it to be protection, but it was something at least.

 

“I assume this is yours since I had to be humiliated to get it.”

 

“Oh goody gumdrops, my souvenir!” He chirped excitedly. “I was floating on water on your internal web and found it.  You humans are very inventive for a primitive species.”  He tore open the box, “See!”

 

He held up a Spiderman doll.

 

Peter was lost in the explanation of a few seconds earlier, “Floating on… internal…  You touched my computer?!”

 

“Is that what it’s called?”

 

“Yes, why did you go online to buy one?  They’re everywhere in New York, without a licensing agreement I might add.” He finished sourly.

 

“Yes, but those don’t do what I want, look!”  

 

He stuck his finger in the waistline of the doll’s costume and pulled them down to reveal a tiny doll butt, and sang softly to himself,

 

_The pants go up,_

_The pants go down,_

_We watch the worlds go round and round..._

 

Peter shook his head, “You have no idea how disturbing I find it that you have a song for this.  How much longer do I have to put up with you?”

 

He could see the slightest hint of a pout on the lips of his visitor. “I have to return to my dimension tomorrow.  It’s a shame really, I never really get to stay where I want to, but that’s why it’s called a vacation, right?” Glowing red eyes lifted in his direction and off that damned doll, “We’re going to do something big tomorrow night!”

 

A shudder of dread rushed through his entire body at the though of what “something big” would entail.  He didn’t even want to know.

 

Sitting down on the couch he flipped on the news.  There was still some time before he had to leave for work and convince his unwanted guest to give back the clothing he stole.  The local reporter was talking about a charity gala taking place at a new theater when screams broke out around the crowd.  The rolling smoke told him who his opponent was.

 

He ran for the closet and his remaining outfit.  Hauling it on he kept his ears tuned to the tv, and heard Mysterio’s voice making his demand that Spiderman come to him.  He ran back to the living room only to see the seats in the theater filled with frightened hostages.  The window was his only option for speed, but he couldn’t help but glance back.

 

“Are you joining me on this one, or can I actually save those people?” He demanded.

 

“I’ve never stopped you from doing what needs to be done, have I?”

 

“I don’t need to worry what you’re going to do while I save them.” 

 

“We’ll see what I do,” was his only answer.

 

Spiderman got to the window, the street was miraculously clear for once, and threw a quick line out.  Secrecy was a pain, but after all that had happened to Aunt May and Mary Jane in the past he knew better than to ignore it.  The new theater was close via skyscraper and he was there dropping onto the roof in less than a half hour.  He opened a skylight and dropped down inside.

 

There was no need for subtlety so he just lowered himself through the catwalks to hover above the stage.  Mysterio had taken the TV crew’s cameras and had several others lined up around the stage.  Apparently he was predictable too since one of his oldest foes didn’t even have to turn around to see him.

 

“Spiderman, how good of you to join us!” He gestured magnanimously.

 

“Well, you know how it goes, throw a guy in prison for a few years and see if he wants to be pen pals when he gets out.” He looked around.  “I guess this means you’re not going to join my MySpace page?”

 

“I don’t know, although I have enjoyed your efforts to get my attention.  Tsk, tsk, flying about town in a web thong?  There are impressionable children out there.”

 

“Call it a wardrobe malfunction.”

 

“Well, it has given me a whole host of new ideas of how to deal with my current arachnid problem.”

 

Be damned if the fish-bowl freak wasn’t grinning at him through that helmet.  His Spider-sense was tingling at him from so many places he wasn’t sure where to look.  He looked out at the crowd only to have a jet of gas hit him from the floor.  Stupid theaters, too many places to be booby trapped.  He hit the stage in a boneless sprawl.  He stayed conscious long enough to see the crowd shimmer and disappear.

 

“Let the show begin,” Rang in his ears as he rolled under.

 

~o)0*0(o~

 

Gas always made him woozy, not that there was a particular favorite for getting yourself a bad position with your enemies, but he’d rather be knocked out with a punch.  Shaking his head only earned him a rattle.  He was locked down by the neck and wrists to a… stockade?  There was a rope or something holding his hips in the air which was a good thing since he’d have choked with the way his body was spread out.  He gave a tentative pull against the manacles holding down his arms, not even a funny sound.

 

“Hello there,” Mysterio’s yard ball was in his face. “You’re awake finally, good!  It becomes so much more entertaining when the victim is awake.  Gentlemen, our guest of honor is ready.  Are we?”

 

“Ready when you are, boss.” Came a voice came from the back. “The override signal is ready at anytime.  It’s crossing all local, cable and satellite feeds here in the city, and the live web stream is already going.”

 

“Perfect,” He purred, and lifted his captive’s head as far as it would go. “As you said, it’s a whole new millennia.  You wouldn’t believe how many people are paying to see this, and every single New Yorker is going to see their beloved hero humiliated at my whim.”

 

Spidey gulped.  There wasn’t a lot about this situation that had any good side that he could see. 

 

“Begin,” He signaled.

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I bid you welcome to tonight’s entertainment!  Now I do warn you that this show is not for children or for the faint of heart, but it will be entertaining.  At least for me,” He gave a low chuckle. 

 

“Many of you have wondered, as have I, what our favorite masked vigilante here is like. It seems that the past few days have uncovered a rather “flashy” side.  Perhaps this side, kept hidden for so long, is a symptom of something deeper.  Don’t you think it should be stopped here and now before it goes any farther?

 

“I believe that if he wishes to expose himself so badly that he should be given the opportunity here, in front of all of you here in the city he was supposed to protect and to all the contributors that have given so generously to provide this moment in time.  Let the unveiling begin!”

 

He had his eyes clenched tightly shut, as he waited for his face to be revealed.  Except it wasn’t.  Cool metal against his stomach made the muscles flinch, and the sound of ripping fabric told him that his shirt was being ripped off him?  What the…

 

“Not what you were expecting, Spiderman?  Did you really think that I wouldn’t build the anticipation for our viewer?  They’ve waited so long to see you punished for your actions and I’d hate to disappoint them.  I am a showman after all and this a moment that deserves to be showcased.”

 




His hips writhed and rubbed against the rope again, and the neck cuff was making him choke.  It was the last time he could depend on it since cutting it was the next step.  His ankles were attached together as soon as the tickling stopped.  What were they planning?  None of this made any sense!  They only cut his suit down to his elbows, and they hadn’t even gone through his underwear.  This was the most clothed he’d been all week!  Suddenly the urge to laugh was very real.

 

“This is your grand plan?” He asked. “This is your humiliation?  If this is the worst you can think of well, bring it on.

 

“Oh no!” He mocked in a falsetto. “The big bad villain has me tied down and he’s going to tickle me.  Oh Lordy, make the horror stop!”  The laughter rolled past his lips.

 

“You think you can mock me?” Mysterio hissed furious.  “You think I’ll let you get away with that In your position?  You are at [i]my[/i] mercy Spiderman!”

 

He gestured again and the cameras were brought to the other side.  They were focused behind him?  The knife was active again and his pants were gone. 

 

“Oh, now this is a shame.” Mysterio took his own turn to mock, “All the women of the city wondering what you wear under your costume and it turns out to be plain old tighty-whiteys.”

 

There was an involuntary clenching as he felt the knives on the sides of his underwear.  Maybe he wasn’t going to be as lucky as he thought?  They went up the sides but stopped at his elastic band.  They carved along the underside and came down leaving a thin strip holding the front and back panels together.  At least he wasn’t completely exposed.

 

He heard wind whistling as a paddle was brought down with full human strength.  It didn’t even leave a mark, and he started laughing again.  He couldn’t help it.  He’d been knocked through steel walls and they thought that this would hurt?

 

A hand down there stopped him abruptly.

 

“Just as I thought, you have a higher resistance to pain.  Luckily I am more than equal to the task.  Too bad, Spiderman, because I am doing this for all my brethren you have incarcerated.”

 

The paddle came down again, but with far more force.  He could feel himself getting hotter down there and hung his head.  This was going to be bad.  The paddle swung again and again forcing noises out of his throat.  They just weren’t what Mysterio thought they were.

 

Flash Thompson was the bane of Peter Parker’s existence in high school, but there was one secret they both shared.  Flash had caught him once in the Weight Room, tied him to a weight bench and used his belt.  It turned out that Peter Parker had a thing for being spanked.  It had felt so good to fell the leather lay down welts he’d completely lost control.  The good news was that since Flash never wanted anyone to find out about the fact that he had a near homosexual encounter with Pencil-neck Parker he’d kept his mouth shut.

 

He was completely hard at this point and sticking out of his underwear.  Unfortunately, one of the henchmen noticed.

 

“Jumped up Jesus Christ, he’s gonna cream in his shorts!”

 

The paddle stopped and Spiderman gave a strangled groan.

 

“Why I do believe you are!” Mysterio laughed, and so did everyone else. “Imagine this, perhaps you are not so firmly grounded in the side of the good after all?”

 

That wicked, wicked knife slid up the elastic band and severed the band holding the last remnants of his modesty.  A long finger delicately slid a blunt nail up the underside of his cock.  He couldn’t stop the involuntary thrust of his hips.

 

“You truly love this don’t you?” Mysterio stage whispered next to his ear. “Shall we continue?  After all you react so beautifully to my hands.”

 

He wrapped his hands around the large pole, gave it one firm stroke and held firm at the base.  The tight squeeze was just as firm as the hero’s own hand.  Spiderman was desperately afraid that he’d have to beg.  He bit down on his lip hard to stop the words.

 

“What an amazing stroke of luck!  The whole city is watching the fall of a beloved icon and finding out what a deviant he is at the same time.  This will teach them all to follow the words of self proclaimed vigilantes blindly.  I think it’s time for the world to see what you have hidden under that mask of yours, Spiderman!”

 

He was sweating under the mask and when Mysterio touched the edges of his mask he felt it too.  There was nothing he could do, but close his eyes as it began to rise.  A huge thud shook the building, and everyone whipped around as the back doors of the theater burst open.

 

It was the Human Torch, Thing, Captain America and Thor.

 

Spiderman nearly went limp in relief. Well, most of him did.  He watched as the four of them waded through the henchmen, tossing them in every direction.  The smell of smoke let him know that Mysterio had pulled his magician’s trick of disappearing.  How did evil villains get henchmen when they deserted them in a heart beat?

 

Torch landed on the stage and started working on burning through the locks.  There was a moment of helpless humor as Spidey couldn’t help but picture his face if he called Johnny Storm the Blow Torch.  He bit back the inappropriate comment and soon they were joined by the other heroes making a human wall.  The gratitude was overwhelming as he realized he was protected from the eyes of anyone and everyone for the first time in a week.

 

“Torch… how?”

 

The blue eyes were sympathetic, “You did hear him say that he was broadcasting across the city, right?”

 

The locks clanked onto the floor and there was no hesitation as the webbed man headed to the wall.  He was going to bash himself into a coma.  If anyone ever brought it up there was going to be the bliss of memory loss there to comfort him.  He only got one good thud in before strong hands pulled him back.  The red gloves and blue arms told him who was wrapping part of the curtains around him.

 

“Why don’t you head home, Spiderman?  We will help the police with the clean up and I have the feeling you’d like to be out of the public eye for a while.”

 

“Thanks, Cap’n, but I think I’m gonna need a ride.  After today I don’t want to be out in the skies with nothing more than a loincloth.”

 

“We brought you your extra costume from HQ.”

 

“God, I love you!  After this week you have no idea how good that sounds!”

 

He yanked his costume on under the blanket and adjusted the shooters on his arms.  He headed out the same way he came in since he knew there would be more reporters than he could handle outside the front door right now.  He had no way of knowing that two pair of blue eyes followed his every move until he was out of sight.

 

~o)0*0(o~

 

He landed on the roof of his building and realized that the whole fiasco had taken them into the night hours.  He could climb to his apartment without being a huge target.  Actually he could always go through the stairways but he hated scaling the ceiling the whole way down.

 

His whole body ached as he came in the window.  He was not happy to see the intergalactic pervert still sitting in his chair playing with the doll he ordered.

 

“I saw everything.”

 

The bland statement had him cringing.

 

“It was amusing at first, but I believe that Mysterio fellow went too far.  I would never have spanked you or tried to make you come like that, not in public.”

 

The rage finally boiled out, “Well then, why didn’t you help?” He yelled.  “You’re an all powerful cosmic being right?  Why don’t you guys ever help when you could?”

 

“I did help.  I made sure that your allies saw the broadcast so they would help you.  Your identity is still secret.”

 

“It’s the only damned thing in my life that’s secret thanks to you and the other pervert that decided to violate me today.  Now would you mind getting out?  I’d like to go to bed.  You know what?  I don’t care if you sit there all night.  I’m exhausted.  I won’t even notice you’re there, and it’s not like you’re not sneaking in anyway.”

 

The blue clothed man got up off the chair and Peter could sense that he was frowning. “Well, I was going to show you the new trick I can do with the doll, but I think you need to rest now.  I can show you tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah, fine, whatever.”

 

A snap of his fingers had the door repaired and closet refilled.  There was even an extra costume it there which almost made him grateful considering there was no way he was going to have time to make a new one and the one he was wearing was his last.

 

“You can have your clothes back, but I still have one more thing I want from you tomorrow so be ready.”

 

“Yeah, tomorrow, sacred task, redemption of soul, got it.”

 

The tormenter vanished to where ever it was that he went.  Peter breathed a sigh of relief, and then cursed.  He was still hard!  God hated him.

 

That was it.  He was going into the bathroom.  He was going to jerk off, take a shower and go to bed.  It didn’t matter what the annoyance wanted for tomorrow.  It wasn’t like he could actually say no anyway.  He was going to fantasize about the Captain and Johnny.  They only tormented him at work.

 

Somewhere a mischievous red-eyed rift hopper smiled…

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for a dear friend who's absolute glee with "pantsing" lead me to an area I had never explored before. I don't believe he is on this site, but this story is forever for you my dear Sidious!


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